Too Many Men

The evenings I generally spent writing, reading, visiting with the family or the other North Americans in town. Theresa took me along several times on nights out with friends of hers or evening events related to her community work. Samuel, her son, took me out to films a few times as well. I greatly appreciated their entertainment, not only for the obvious enjoyment of their company and the opportunity to get to know the town a little better, but I tended to draw unwelcome visits from men in the evening otherwise. I was often confused by Hawa’s announcements that so-and-so wanted me to go out and talk to him. I usually told her I did not know him and I wanted him to leave, because I was never able to place a face I knew to the names I was being told were here to visit me. I am concerned that I may have offended people I was on friendly terms with though. I took the risk of just asking them to leave for three reasons. One, even if I did know the man he was clearly there to propose marriage or just proposition me for sex. Two, I had a very difficult time ending these conversations. And three, the Sierra Leonean notion of the home not being a private space is something I never adjusted to. If I was in my room for the evening, I did not want men lining up on the porch waiting for me. Few actual difficulties came from this other than a vague sense of unease in the house. One of the construction workers building the new clinic took to spending quite a bit of time waiting for me at the house. Being rude enough to these men to keep them away came easily to me, but with this guy I would actually need to physically shove him out of the door and brace against it to keep him out. I was of course aware that women in Kabala do not enjoy a status equal to men the way I am used to, but it was shocking to realize that men in Kabala did not take what I said very seriously. It became clear over time that many men did me the favor of conversing with me because I was a stranger, but they did not consider me a partner in conversation. A second very strange thing I experienced with men was the use of the phrase “I want to take you by force.” I had several men say this to me as though conversationally. Once this happened at the house in the presence of other women. They did not seem bothered by this statement. My best assessment of what this meant is that it is slang in Krio with a meaning similar to having victory. I noticed “take by force” on a poster in Freetown advertising a soccer match so I think these men were telling me they would “win my heart.”